Unintentional Political Comedy

So Eliot Spitzer was perceived to be a morally-upstanding man. He attacked corruption and sought to clean up the world. Beneath the surface, however, his assumed-to-be-clean character was actually a filthy mess that included something in the neighborhood of $80,000 worth of illegal high-priced hookers acquired via illegal methods of payment.

Well, now that we know who he really is, he can't be governor. Surely the lieutenant governor is more of what a high-profile elected official should be. Let's get him in office ASAP...

Hello, David Paterson! May you lead the fine Empire State with more integrity than your predecessor! You've never made illegal payments for illegal sex with desperate young ladies, have you? No? Great! You're the new governor!

Hi, everyone, thanks for the kind welcome. Oh, and by the way, just in case you decide to dig into my past... I've had multiple long-term affairs, but I never helped any of those women get jobs... no... wait... I may have helped one of my sex buddies get a state job, but that all happened while my wife and I were struggling, so that's justified. Oh, and it's possible that I may have kinda-sorta used campaign money to pay for such activity... Oh, yeah, one more thing... I've done cocaine... so, since all that's out in the open, there's no need for you to dig into my past. I look forward to restoring the integrity of the office...

Hail to the chief. It already sounds like a far cry from what he said when he was sworn in as governor: We must live by the same values we profess. Indeed.

What a broken nation we are.

[Disclaimer] The quotes are paraphrased. These are not actual Paterson quotes. (Although they might as well be.) [/Disclaimer]