My Church Music Thoughts (part 2)

(continued from part 1)

It was February 2004 when I accepted the position. I was up at BGSU to hang out with my buddy Jeff. It was the morning after his roommate's 21st birthday party. (Being the sheltered [!] guy I am, simply existing near such a party is an experience I won't forget...) The next 2 weeks was the time of transition, I had the pleasure of leading with Tye, and then I was on my own again.

From the get-go, it was a healthier situation. There was no micro-management from the leaders above me... they just expected me to do my job and gave me the freedom to do so. And even better, there wasn't a strict time constraint. If I wanted to lead 5 or 6 songs, I could lead 5 or 6 songs... there was no 2-song limit. It was nice.

But still, I don't think I can honestly say I was passionate about what I was doing. I was marginally good at what I was doing, and no one else was doing it, or at least no one else was doing it well, so I did it. In some ways, that feels like the story of my life... nobody's picking up the slack here, so I will. And I don't mean that in a prideful way. I've just never really known what my purpose is, or what I was meant to do, so I find a need and try to fill it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Years have gone by, and I've threatened to quit thousands of times. Is this really something I want to do every week? Is this really a time commitment I want to make? Every Thursday night band practice, every Sunday morning 90 minutes before first service, staying at church until 2nd service is over... missing Thursday night Toby bedtimes, never being able to go to church with my wife or my son...

Nope. It's not. I hate that part of the job. I hate that it causes me to be away from my family on a weeknight and on Sundays until lunchtime. But it's my job, and I don't feel called away from it. I don't necessarily always feel called into it, but I certainly don't feel called out of it, either. But after 2 years at one church and now 4+ years at another, is this kind of time commitment really worth it for a job I'm not passionate about?

I hope so. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I think I do it well. And I think it's a relatively important job. And whether I'm passionate about the job or not, I am passionate about praising God. So, I hope I'm doing the right thing. I don't know, and maybe I'll never know. But, I think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And, kinda sorta, isn't that what faith is?

And, as you might expect, I think there's going to be a part 3. So, yeah...