Tank = Empty

I'm wiped out, and I'm not totally sure why. Absolutely, having a child is one of the big stressors in life... I was stressed beyond belief a few weeks ago, prior to Aimee's arrival. My hopeful thought was that the stress would subside a bit once Robyn and Aimee came through labor and delivery safely, but this has not been the case.

Normally, when I sleep, I don't wake up for anything - alarm clock, weather alarms, Toby screaming - but last night I heard Toby even without the baby monitor on. That is a first. Robyn didn't hear him, so she was shocked that I did. Every couple hours, I wake.

When it's time to get up in the morning, I'm exhausted from not sleeping well. (It's tiring to sleep badly.) Some combination of coffee, adrenaline, and necessity get me going, then the adrenaline and a few manic characteristics get me through the day. Then they keep me awake at night, then I can't sleep, then I wake up exhausted (because it's tiring to sleep badly), and some combination of coffee, adrenaline... wait. I've already said that.

I have this sudden desire to starting busting my butt on our house again. Not much have I accomplished since Robyn announced the pregnancy, but the metal gutters need to be coated (they're starting to rust... old houses, you know...) and there are still rooms that need better ceiling fans as we enjoy a nice Cincinnati August and I didn't realize how badly the exterior wood trim needs paint and those kitchen cabinets still need doors and I'd like Toby's ceiling light to have a dimmer and I think the interior doors might look a whole lot better if I tried to stain them or at least paint them and...

...this is just one big run-on sentence that is an attempt to escape from one stressful reality in exchange for a different one, an attempted escape that is apparently going on even when I sleep.

I was worried about postpardum depression for my wife. And now it appears maybe I'm the one to be concerned about.

(Sidenote: I did make some progress on the gutters last night, and I did hang a couple ceiling fans on Monday. And did you know that dishes and laundry NEVER STOP NEEDING ATTENTION?! I know this now, more than I knew it before. They never stop...)