5 days overdue. Toby came a day early, so this is different. We had what we hope will be the last doctor appointment before Aimee's arrival this morning. Of course, we said that about the last 2 appointments as well. Not that I'm complaining, I'm really not. Nature can't be forced. (Actually, it can, but Robyn is the crazy natural one that won't be moved.)
Since the due date has passed and we have chosen to not schedule an induction, they wanted another ultrasound today. So, we know that all is well. We don't just think it... we're pretty sure, based upon everything that the midwife saw. She said Robyn is most definitely ready, and labor has been predicted by the end of the weekend. So, again, we wait.
(We were able to once again "see" that we're having a girl. No surprise male genitalia seen today.)
It's the weekend. I don't plan on going back to work on Monday. I'm no longer stressed about the amount of work I have to get done, as the essential stuff is complete. What's left can wait. I don't plan on going to the church picnic tomorrow, or church on Sunday... I don't plan on cutting the grass this weekend...
All the things that normally occupy my brain have become dormant. There are no needs. We are ready to go to the hospital when necessary. Toby's plan for while we are gone is ready to go into effect. I have no reason to be stressed out, as everything is as under control as it can be.
So why does it feel like my heart is going to break through my ribcage and jump out of my chest? Why can't I relax? Why can't I get any good sleep? Why am I so nervous, so petrified of what is to come? It isn't an ominous fear of the safety of Robyn or Aimee... I'm not overly scared of the labor...
I think I'm just scared. Scared of how to be a daddy to a little girl. Scared of how much more time and energy will be required with 2 kids instead of 1. Scared of postpartum. Scared of life. And I can't seem to give it up and let it go right now. I wish I could.
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3 comments:
scott,
since i will be a father in six weeks, i watch parents closely to see how they interact with their kids. from what i know of your character and the stuff you write about toby, you're an amazing father. how blessed are toby and aimee to have a father like you!
some of my students come from horrible family situations where the father is absent or mistreats the kids. i wonder how things would be different for them if they had a loving father. you know, someone that took them to the bakery, reds games and just loved them all the time. you're awesome scott, and your words are a positive influence in my life.
--ian
its because you're thinking of her teenage years, like i think of Aly's EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF MY DAY!!!
Just remember this rule and you're golden: Wipe front to back, no exceptions.
:D I can't wait to get that call! I pray several times a day for a Godly induction.
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