(When I use a "..." at the end of a thought, or in the middle of a sentence, it is to indicate a continuance of thought or rambling without continuing all those unnecessary words. But lately, if I was to try to explain how I've been feeling, I just want to say: "..." I have no words, but yet there is so much to say. So... ...)
What to say? We just waiting. I've never understood the concept of "I wait for the Lord" or "waiting on the Lord". I don't know what it is to wait. I kind of understand patience and delayed gratification, but... ...
I'm mildly depressed. I think. I have a wife who is a week overdue. Everything is in order. We're ready. And, I guess, we're bored. We thought life would be really exciting right now, as we were expecting a child by now. We thought we'd be going crazy, chasing Toby around while also dealing with a newborn. But instead of being crazy with actions, we're going crazy mentally.
So... we wait. What am I supposed to be learning from this? Cause whatever it is, I don't think I'm learning it. I've long known that my will does not equal God's will. I've long known that my timing means nothing compared to God's timing. I've long known that any semblance of control that I think I have is merely a pawn on God's chessboard. I am fully aware that I am powerless.
So.. here I am... sitting with a computer on my lap in a 90-degree house... listening to a sleeping Toby, thinking about my beautiful sleeping (or, hopefully sleeping, I should say) wife, waiting for that one big contraction that will bring a daughter into my life.
I keep thinking I must be missing something, and that is why this child hasn't been born yet. But that would be awful egotistical and narcissistic of me. To think that I have any power or control over the situation. I've already learned that lesson.
And, in fact, I've already told you that I've learned that lesson. It was just a couple paragraphs ago.
...
1 comment:
I'm mildly depressed as well. It's an isolated depression though. One produced specifically by the fact that I know Robyn is not happy with her over...dueness. I pray several times a day for some sort of Aimee-communication. Maybe this is God's way of makng you want it THAT much more. Of making Robyn's contractions THAT much better. When I went into real labor the first few hours at home, with each contraction I forced myself to thank God for delivering to me what I had been pray-begging for the last 2 weeks. It made contractions seem more of a blessing. It kept my words from being curses at a very blessed time.
I'm just rambling now I guess. I wish I knew how to make Robyn (and you) feel better.
I brag on Robyn all the time though for sticking to her natural ways. Its admirable to be able to respect God's timing when all you want is to go, go, go.
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