I'm a Big Loser (again)

"I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle."

- The significantly overweight Mike Myers character (whose name I'll refrain from using because my mother might be reading) in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

(Have there ever been truer, more philosophical words spoken from such a filthy person? This might be one of my favorite movie scenes of all time. You know, because my sense of humor can be pretty immature at times.)

I mentioned before that Robyn and I have been watching The Biggest Loser this season. We kind of enjoy it, and we kind of mock it. I'm statistically obese and she's 3 months from giving birth, so neither of us are exactly tiny at this point. (Although, it should be duly noted that Robyn is the antithesis of large when not pregnant.)

Next week is the finale, and I am in no way trying to handicap this thing or pick a favorite, because I'm not that much of a loser, but I do want to compare the 2 men left in the competition:

• Mark started at 285 pounds. He was, by far, the biggest a-hole on the show from the beginning. He is the ultimate competitor who everyone hates because, well, he's a big a-hole. But, as the weight came off, so did the emotional baggage that the weight was hiding. Now, his tears fall like raindrops, multiple times per episode. (And we make fun of him, as we still don't like him.) He recognizes that his weight was not a physical problem, but a mental and emotional one.
  
  15 weeks after weighing in at 285, last night he weighed 169 pounds. He went from 75 pounds heavier than me to 40 pounds lighter than me in less than 4 months. Sheesh.
  
  
• Roger is a diabetic who began at a whopping 363 pounds. He's always been the happy-go-lucky guy. He's an easygoing country boy who is very easy to root for. On last night's how, he said essentially the opposite of what Mark has learned. "I love my life. I love my wife, I love my kid, I love my job... I just needed to lose weight."
  
  Last night, the scale measured him at 219 pounds. He has lost 144 pounds in 15 weeks. By next week's live finale, he will weigh less than me. His diabetes has essentially gone away. This guy was 363 pounds less than 4 months ago, and now I'm fatter than he is.

I say all of this for two reasons. One, I identify more with Roger than with Mark and the Austin Powers character. I am a pretty happy guy. I love and am loved by God. I love my wife and my son. My marriage is strong. I don't hate my job. We don't have bigtime money issues. I have a good life. I just eat too much food. Sure, I eat more when I'm stressed, but I'm not eating to try to quench any unhappiness deep in my soul.

Two, this show proves to me that I could drop the weight again. I've done it before. But my lack of discipline got me right back where I was. After losing last time, I swore I'd never hit 200 pounds again. Then I hit 200 last year and justified it, saying "at least I'm not 210." Well, the scale said 210 this morning. I can't even believe how fat I think I look in recent pictures. My knees hurt. I'm winded when taking a couple flights of steps. At age 26, this shouldn't be happening.

These guys looked absolutely disgusting in the beginning. We gawked at them, thinking "how could anyone let themself go like that..." But in just 4 months of eating healthy and exercising like crazy, have lost 260 pounds between them.

Why shouldn't I be able to lose 40? With my height and body type, there's no reason for me to weigh more than 170. Granted, I won't have a celebrity trainer kicking my arse in the gym for multiple hours per day, nor would I have the incentive of a $250,000 prize at the end of the rainbow, but I'd certainly feel a whole lot better, and I'd be doing my family a huge favor by getting my butt in shape. Now, if I could just stop eating all this crap...