Letters... We Get Letters...

Dear Neighbor,

We need to talk. I've been wanting to meet folks here in the neighborhood, and I was hoping for ours to be more of a friendly introduction, but if I don't say something, I might go crazy.

First of all, I understand that not everyone works a 9-5 kind of job. I respect the fact that people around your property have to get up early in the morning to begin their work, and I'm glad they are employed! But could you please respect those of us in the neighborhood with young children? My son is just 2, and he's a good sleeper... but there are men singing and yelling and listening to LOUD music at 4am! Are you aware of this? I mean, my windows are shut, and it's still really loud inside...

Second of all, I doubt you've noticed, but I've been picking up a lot of garbage and litter on your property in that overgrown area that probably used to be a garden of sorts. I'm trying to help, but I'm hoping you'll start doing your part to keep our community a little easier on the eyes. I know that litter is part of the landscape here in the city, and you've probably tried to keep it clean, but it's just too hard... well, I'm asking nicely: please help keep the street a little cleaner.

Third of all, in case you were wondering, that was me out there yesterday cutting your grass. I just couldn't take it anymore. It looked bad late last year, and it hadn't been cut yet this year. It was an eyesore. Just way too tall and out of control. I know you are probably busy, so I'll make you an offer. If you'll tell those guys to be a little quieter in the morning, I'll cut your lawn every week when I cut mine. I'll even pay for the gas in my mower.

Sorry to introduce myself in this way, but I didn't have the heart to say all this to your face. I just care about our community and want it to be a better place. That's what we all want, right?! And again, as long as those guys don't wake my family up at 4am the rest of this week, I'll plan on cutting your grass, say, Saturday afternoon?

Regards,
Scott (from across the street)

P.S. Thanks for delivering the mail every day. It still baffles me that, for a mere 41 cents, you'll deliver a letter to any address in this entire country directly within 3 days! How do you do that?!