Dearest Patio Furniture,
You mocked me when I could not find the directions to put you together. If only I had known that you hid your helpful book in between your cushions. Why do you mock me?
And even when I found those pesky directions, you continued to mock me. If only your Chinese creator knew how to explain assembly in "my" version of English.
As the hours passed, you mocked me more and more. Surely, the neighbors were mocking me, too. You think it's funny to see a grown man fumbling around with 15 different kinds of screws and nuts and bolts and fasteners, do you?
Well WHO GOT THE LAST LAUGH, HUH?! I defeated you. I put you together with not one leftover unknown piece. And now, you are... assembled. And assembled you shall remain until the day I choose to take you apart. (This supposed day will never happen, I assure you.)
And just to spite you, after successfully putting you together, I sat on you. Yeah. I showed you who was boss. And I look forward to sitting on you again, whenever I please. Cause I'M YOUR DADDY, patio furniture.
And now I'm going to bed. Fighting you was exhausting. Good night, patio furniture. And SCREW CHINA.
regards,
scott
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3 comments:
Toby and Mommy appreciate your efforts. "Swing swing, swing swing". Maybe next time daylight would help. I am increasingly thankful that I bothered to have the grill preassembled.
here ya go.
i couldn't resist any longer.
you gave me an ugly fish to eat, now i return the favor:
http://easyriderka.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/ugly-fish.jpg
eat that!
i am most proud that you took the time to write this at 1:30am. salut, brother...
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