This Doesn't Suck Enough

I love my wife so much. Sometimes, she does things that don't make sense, and that's ok. For instance, she wanted a new vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I know better than to try to pick something like that out, so her mom purchased the new sucky thing. Robyn and her mom are very similar in their intense passion for all things Consumer Reports, so we all figured this would work well.

Robyn put the new sucky gift together, plugged it in, and wasn't totally thrilled. She said she was going to take it back and get a different one. For some reason, this shocked me. First of all, I didn't know it was possible to take a vacuum cleaner back once assembled and used. Second of all, I figure a vacuum is a vacuum is a vacuum. I've been proven wrong on both of these thoughts.

But that's not the end of the story. Vacuum #2 wasn't right, either. Same goes for Vacuum #3. Some of them sucked too much, some of them didn't suck enough. Some were too difficult to use. One didn't have the right kind of attachments.

Vacuum #8 was purchased today. All indications, thus far, would point to Robyn keeping this one. But with her track record, I'm not gonna bet on it. Daggone it, one of these days, the vacuum of her dreams is going to show up and sweeper her off her feet.

And just to make it perfectly clear, vacuums are not the only thing she does this with. When repainting our living room last month, at least 854 different paint colors were tried before we ended up at the current scheme.

This makes me feel like she must love me an awful lot. We've been together for the best part of 9 years now, and she's yet to trade me in for someone different. Good thing, too. I didn't come with a receipt (or a pre-nup), so she's stuck with me.