The Fuzz... The Po-Po... The ____

Please post a comment with your favorite slang word for "cop" to help complete the title of this post. Steve Carr posted about the cops recently, and I've been meaning to write something about my 'Nati police experiences, so here goes...

I'm a huge advocate of the police. When I see a cop on the side of the road running radar, I think go get 'em, officer... My wife and I don't always agree on this. She usually mutters frustration and says why don't they spend their time on real criminals? I can see her point. Regardless, I believe that the overwhelming majority of officers chose their profession for better reasons than wanting to have a siren and to ruin folks' day with parking tickets. I'd find an I (heart) The Police bumper sticker for the Pimp Boat, except I wouldn't want officers to think I'm a sarcastic punk--although, I do (heart) "every little thing she does is magic..."

There are two categories of people I will always go out of my way to thank even if I do not know them: (1) Military folks, active or retired, and (2) Police officers. They could die on the job at any point in time. They risk their lives for us every time they put on the uniform. Get it, people? I (heart) the police.

That being said, I've had quite a few less-than-wonderful encounters with Cincinnati Police in my 31 months within city limits.

Not long after Robyn and I got the house, one of my best friends, Brooke, and girlfriend-at-the-time-now-wife, Andrea, got rear-ended while turning into my driveway. These things happen everywhere, certainly not just the city. Unfortunately, the pimpmobile that did the rear-ending didn't stop and was never found again. I called 911 within 30 seconds of the hit & run. I got a recorded message informing me that there is no one available to answer 911 calls at this time of the day in College Hill, and was advised to hang up and call some specific 7-digit number. (Brooke, feel free to post anything I may have missed here.) I thought to myself, sweet... a recorded message on 911... what happens if there's an intruder in my house? Will I have time to call directory assistance to get said 7-digit number? Seriously, people, "911" is easy to remember, I'd prefer to be able to use it in an emergency... Estimated police response time: 45 minutes. Unacceptable.

A couple weeks later, our neighbors' car was totalled--totalled is an insurance word... this car was absolutely destroyed--by a driver who, likewise, didn't bother to stop and apologize or offer any sort of insurance information. Estimated police response time: 45 minutes. Unacceptable.

The next time police assistance was required was mercifully a couple months later. The aforementioned neighbors' car was replaced at the expense of their own insurance company. Predictably, it was slammed into by a passing vehicle as well. This time, I heard the contact. It woke me up around 6am one weekday morning right after I hit snooze. Quickly, I ran out front to see if it was another hit & run... it wasn't... although this time the reason was both cars were totalled. The man had no license, no insurance, and quite honestly no clue what was going on. Estimated police response time: no idea, I left for work an hour and a half later and the police were yet to arrive. Unacceptable.

Fast forward to last summer (2005). Robyn was 3 months pregnant. She was in a minor traffic accident on wet pavement less than 5 minutes from home. Estimated police response time: 2 minutes. The difference? She was still in Colerain township. Unacceptable.

Fast forward 30 minutes later. She was shaken up from the accident, but felt fine enough to drive the car home. She pulls in the driveway and walks up the front steps to see that the front window is open and the screen has been slashed. She's thinking it highly likely an intruder is in our house. She runs away from the house. Neighbors aren't home. The car is in the driveway, she can't go back to the house, so she can't really go anywhere. From behind a tree up the street, she calls me at work. I call 911. I leave work, drive 20 minutes home, no police yet. I call 911 again, remind them that we can't go inside our house because we think somebody's inside. Finally, after 50 minutes, I see a Hamilton County Sherriff--Thank God, at least somebody shows up even though Cincy Police is apparently too busy--and the Sherriff drives right past our house. I run into the street to flag down the Sherriff. Sherriff had no idea we were waiting on help, he was just in the neighborhood to serve a warrant. He agrees to go through our house, gun drawn the whole time, and tells us we're safe... the intruder went out the back door. Still no Cincy officer to be found. Estimated Cincinnati police response time: 1 hour. Absolutely freaking unacceptable.

And one more... mid-October (2005), I wrecked my Honda on the way home from a pastors' meeting. The minivan with 45 passengers that I struck had a driver with "injuries". I call 911. 10 minutes later, I call 911 again. 10 minutes later, I call 911 again. 10 minutes later, I call 911 again, this time I'm absolutely furious/irate/spitting-hellfire-and-rage at the 911 operator, which is really not my style, if you know me. After the 4th 911 call, 2 firetrucks, a fire chief SUV, and an ambulance rush to the scene. Still no police. Estimated police response time: 45 minutes. Unacceptable.

I'm a believer in living in the city. I'd like for you to come, too. I've very much enjoyed these last 31 months living in the city of Cincinnati. I am very thankful that we've never truly been in an emergency where we've desperately needed the police. I'd probably sleep a little better at night if I felt confident the police would be here to help us if we did desperately need them.

And the city wonders why people flock to the 'burbs?