End of Meal

I was bummed to see Callahan reference the Chinese New Year... while away from all computer access for a couple of days, I decided I was going to make a Chinese New Year's Resolution. Everyone has New Year's Resolutions. I was going to be the Oriental original... Now I just look like a copycat for referencing this a couple days after him...

While on the retreat, I decided to make a concerted effort to return home and do what I've known I needed to do for quite some time now: be more disciplined in all aspects of life. I seem to have an addictive personality. There have been so many things that I've struggled with (or continue to struggle with) over the years: selfishness, vengeance, honesty, pornography, prayer, "Coke vs Pepsi", Bible study, lust, work ethic at work, work ethic at home, work ethic at ministry, food, exercise. I'm sure there are more, but these are off the top of my head. All of these things boil down to discipline.

Then I look at my potential... I'm booksmart, I have common sense, I have decent people skills (I hope), I have tons of untapped musical abilities... and all of a sudden I feel like a big failure. All these talents, all these wasted opportunities. All these blessings from God, all these instances of turning away and being a chach.

A very good friend of mine has been encouraging me lately as if I were a drug addict or an alcoholic, because that's what my symptoms are. He knows that my standards for myself are so high that I will never reach them if I look at them from a macro level. He keeps telling me to try to win the small battles. I feel like such a loser! I know I can not overeat in the next 10 minutes... just don't ask me whether or not I can refrain from eating the fridge between now and next week. Sure, I can bear down and do the dishes now so Robyn won't have to later, but I have no confidence that I'll ever take care of the list of things I've been wanting to do for months. So I need to stop focusing on the longterm and start winning the 10 minute battles... easier said than done...

Last night, I made some pasta with grilled chicken for dinner. (OK, so it was chicken on the Foreman...) I was 3/4 through my serving when I thought "ya know, fatso, what you've eaten thus far is probably sufficient for tonight..." But then I looked at the bowl and saw too much to throw away but not enough to warrant putting in Gladware. So I went to finish the pasta...

But first, Toby needs his diaper changed. And as could be predicted, he pooed on everything. While cleaning him, he peed on everything, including his own face. (You'd think I'd have learned this by now...) Robyn said not to bother cleaning him up too much, as this would be a perfect opportunity to give him the bath he needed. So, I wiped up just enough nastiness to keep me from getting too dirty while carrying his naked self up to the bathroom. By the time I handed him to Robyn 3 minutes later, he had peed all over myself. Hilarious. I changed clothes. By now, the Tobe's bath was almost over, so I waited until the end so that I could be Towel Boy, dry off the kid, and get him dressed while Robyn took a shower of her own. I placed the pristine baby goat in his crib, and went down the steps to finish my dinner that had been sitting there waiting for me for 20 minutes...

...to find the cat eating the chicken. Maybe this was God's way of helping me in my first victory in discipline in this Oriental New Year? Or maybe the cat just wanted something other than the typical Chow. Either way, I'm counting this as victory #1 of the Year of the Dog.