Monday Morning Musings

The New House Department

• Getting 4 hours of sleep on a floor is not sufficient
• Don't try to install a custom countertop... just pay someone to take care of it...
• We were definitely stoned on fumes again last night. Now, every window in the house is open... heck, if The Tobe is going to live there beginning in a few days, the place needs to be aired out...
• I think I've finally hauled off all of the broken pieces of kitchen. If I find any more, I'll be upset... (Lunchtime update: Special thanks go out to the City of Cincinnati Sanitation Department for not picking up the rest of my broken kitchen. Anybody have a truck and a dumpster?)
• The place is really looking like a habitable place. Which is good. Since it's a house
• Carpet will make the house ready on Friday
• All of our stuff will make the house our official residence on Saturday
• Robyn's "touch" will make it "home" as the weeks and months and years go by

The Football Department

• I have no confidence that the Bengals will win tonight, regardless of who they play
• The prior observation is further cemented in the fact that the Pats look unstoppable
• I'm not a betting man, but seriously... is it possible to make money betting on the NFL? Green Bay is 4-0? Cleveland beat the Bengals and Ravens? Arizona beat the Stillers?
• UC Football Bearcats = 5-0, ranked 20th in the country. In a related note, hell is getting cold...

The Baseball Department

• Can't say I was rooting against the Mets, per se, but I'm excited to watch Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, and Aaron Rowand play in October
• Is there anyone rooting against the Colorado Freaking Rockies at this point?
• Regardless of who wins the Padre-Rockie playoff today, Arizona will lose in the first round
• Congrats to the Cubbies, who have once again given hope to their loyal drunken fans. I look forward to TV shots of millions of devastated Cub fans by week's end
• LCS = Philly over D'Backs, Red Sox over Yanks
• WS = Philly over Red Sox
• I'm fully prepared for all of the above predictions to be horribly incorrect

The Fantasy Department

After spending much of the summer in first place in the infamous GCL (Government Cheese League), a devastating week dropped The Oesters all the way down to third place, just in time for the playoffs. Nick whooped up on me and Brad en route to his first Governor's Cup. So, many congrats go out to Nick. Surely, some sort of acceptance speech is in order. I'll have to come back strong next year... my fifth fantasy baseball season, and The Oesters finish an all-time worst third place... it's sickening, really...

The Confusion Department (with Commentary)

Imperfect man proposes to imperfect woman, woman says yes, man and woman stand before God and their families & friends to vow that they'll remain faithful to each other until death, man and woman have children, man changes mind about that little vow and secretly begins relationship with another woman. The American Dream, right?

There's a billboard on Warsaw Avenue. In big, bold letters, it asks the question "What is the best thing you can do for your son?" Underneath, the question is answered: "Love his mother."

I'm an imperfect man married to an imperfect woman. We have an imperfect marriage and an imperfect son. I'd guess that the overwhelming majority of imperfectly married folks have wondered, in those most imperfect of moments, if this imperfect marriage is really worth it. And as imperfect as I may be, and boy am I ever imperfect, I still find it absolutely mindboggling that there are men out there who can't seem to keep it in their pants when with women that aren't his wife. I'll say it again: absolutely mindboggling.

So, if you happen to be reading today, and if you happen to be married, please allow me to offer a couple words of unsolicited advice: HONOR YOUR VOW. And my dear, if you happen to be reading this and have come down from your polyurethane high, I'm looking forward to staying with you until one of us dies. Does it get any more romantic than that?