Goals

I've always had a list of things to accomplish. Things to get done. Tasks. Dreams. Whatever. Sometimes the things on the list are simple, like unload the dish washer. 3 minutes later, check. That was easy. But some of the items on the list are more complex, like fix the leaky shut-off valve where the main water pipe comes into the house. 2+ years later, that's still an open item on the list. One of these days, I'm either going to (1) pay someone to come fix it before it busts and floods my basement, or it's gonna bust and flood my basement and then I'll have to (2) pay someone to clean up my basement and fix the dang valve. But it's still on my list, which means I'm waiting for God to supernaturally give me the gift of plumbing so I can fix it myself.

Seems like the items on my list don't ever get checked off. Sometimes they get forgotten (or removed from the list entirely), but not checked off.

One of the biggest goals I've ever set for myself was be no more than 180 pounds by the time I'm a dad. My 2004 post-Christmas weight was over 2 bucks, as I think I've mentioned before, which on my 5'8"/5'9" frame would put me in the obese category. Knowing that the birth control was no longer a part of Robyn's evening routine (!), early this year I dieted and joined Gold's Gym and had great early success. But it's been a slow and steady climb since March, and I've finally had to accept that this goal will go down in history as yet another failure.

I'm trying hard not to let these failures control me. But it seems like the evidence keeps mounting, one failed goal after another. I need to remember that I'm not a failure... I'm a child of God. I'm a child of God, I'm a child of God, He doesn't see me as a failure, He sees me as His own... my goals are not necessarily His... I keep telling myself. I mean, certainly He doesn't want me to be a glutton, but you know...

While my list of things to do around the house continues to grow, the top of the list remains unchecked. I'm reminding myself that I will not look back on my life and have huge regrets for something like being in the mid-190s when Toby is born. Things like that are just molehills that I make mountains out of in my mind. 190-something is just a number. However, I absolutely would have huge regrets if I was to look back on my life and recall not doing everything I could to love my wife and my son. That trumps my round physical shape. That's a hill to die on. (Pardon the Willow Creek metaphor.)

I had a nice conversation with my dad on Sunday right before the Bengals-Colts game. Words of wisdom from dad, my paraphrase: Sometimes things stay on my list for years. Then, eventually, I look at my list and realize that some of the things weren't ever important anyway, so I take them off the list. Amen, dad. My weight shall now be stricken (strooken? strook?) from the record. No more. And no guilt, even though I now huff and puff when taking the steps at work. At least I'm taking the steps at work instead of the elevator. (By the way, I'm glad that goal is gone... it made that cheesesteak and fries from Penn Station that much better tonight...)

Time to focus on the more important things: loving my wife and getting ready to meet my son. 5 weeks to go!

(And if you will, as you finish reading here, please praise God from whom all blessings flow. There was a very serious prayer request of mine for a very dear friend of mine. Thus far, God has answered it the way I wanted Him to. Praise Him for His ridiculous grace that is so incredibly undeserved. Praise Him always. And please, pray for my dear friend. You can just tell God you're praying for "Scott's dear friend". He's a big God. He knows me. He'll know who you're talking about. Pray. Praise Him. And if He doesn't answer it the way I want Him to, praise Him anyway, because He is God. Praise.)