Sleep?

I discovered one thing already... there ain't much sleep to be had in the early days of Toby's life.

He's so mild-mannered, but he doesn't go more than 15 minutes without giving the hunger cues. Dude is ALWAYS eating. And even when I take him away from Robyn, he continues to try to find her nipple... I'm working on a sweet hickey on the left side of my neck (that's the Crips' side). Yesterday, he was trying so hard to find that elusive nipple that he grabbed his hat, pulled it down over his face, and began chewing on it. His head was just flopping around, facial features invisible, but his hat was moving where his mouth is and sucky noises were emanating from the general vicinity. He's trying to eat the world. My poor wife... we've decided we don't want her to become known as a human pacifier, but so far our big boy just keeps eating.

In delivery, Robyn lost a lot of blood. She didn't officially hemorrage, but she's all tore up. If the sequence of events wouldn't have netted us a son, I would not have done well. But since there was a Toby involved, no amount of blood in the world would have prevented me from taking it all in. I have a very weak stomach, especially when it comes to blood, poop, and puke. So far, nothing has fazed me. The blood was bearable. The couple puky episodes haven't been too bad (Robyn's taken care of most of these thus far). The poop? Nowhere near as awful as I thought it would be. I mean, it's thick... really, I have no good description of it... tar seems so... cliche... but tar is probably pretty accurate. It doesn't clean up well. It doesn't smell good. But there's something about just knowing that I have a job to do, and that job is to clean up my son, makes it almost a joy?

I'm reminded of what a mess I am. I love Jesus, but I'm so imperfect. Jesus is perfect and holy, and I'm the little whiny/fussy kid with the tar-covered butt. But He cleans us up, dresses us in the finest, picks us up, kisses us. He loves us through our gross-ness. And I love my Toby, even when I'm wiping the nastiness from all those little boy crevises below his belt.

My family is taking a nap without me. But I can't sleep. I feel like I need to write as much of this stuff down as I can. I don't want to forget any of it.