I'd like to share a few thoughts Robyn and I have recently discussed about children... specifically, our fine young son, Toby, whom my lovely wife and I both love beyond measure.
(1) This child is the best evidence I've ever seen to prove that human beings are born with a sin nature.
Now before you go calling 241-KIDS on me, I'm not bashing the kid. He's just incredibly selfish and rebellious. That's right, my 22-month-old is an amazing sinner! He is absolutely unconcerned with anything other than himself and his own satisfaction. He seems to have very little conscience. He only appears to show remorse or regret once he realizes that he's in trouble. The darn kid is so much like me, it makes me sick...
From a position of strength after my first 22 months as a father, I dare anyone to try to convince me that children are born inherently good. It's a nice thought, but there's no way my wife or I could have corrupted the little punk this much this soon.
(2) "...male and female, he created them..." I'll also boldly proclaim that my son is 100% male. Pure, unadulterated testosterone.
He likes to slam his cars and bikes on the ground with all his might and yell "BOOOOOOOOOOM!" and smile with glee. He tackles me with increasing regularity. He punches the cat hourly, just for kicks. He was pissed off beyond all comprehension when I wouldn't let him drive his tricycle down the 9 concrete steps from our front porch to the sidewalk. Seriously, I barely was able to keep himself from throwing his little body down a flight of concrete stairs. He appreciates potty humor and has an unhealthy addiciton to his own penis.
[Sidestory: Yesterday, Robyn and Toby went to the zoo. When I got home from work, I talked to him about his day. Here is a transcription of our conversation:
Dada: Hey Booger! What did Mommy and Toby do today?
Toby: zszszszsuuuuuuuuuuu...
Dada: You went to the zoo?! Wow... did you have fun?
Toby: ydetscth (nodding affirmatively)...
Dada: What did you see at the zoo?
Toby: Yigh-no...
Dada: You saw a rhino?! That's fun, tell me about the rhino!
Toby: Pee pee (big satisfied smile).
Dada: You saw the rhino's pee-pee?
Toby: PEE PEE (concerned look)
Dada: Oh, the rhino went pee pee?
Toby: ydetscth (smiling and nodding vigorously)...
So, to recap, the boy went to the zoo and was most impressed that the rhino urinated. Can you imagine a little girl reacting this way? I think not. My son is all boy.]
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4 comments:
I'm here to let you know that it doesn't get any better as time goes on! They're STILL fascinated with urination (and all other bodily functions) in kindergarten (where I see them) and even beyond then!
You've got a few years ahead of you of this stuff...although who doesn't appreciate some potty humor every now and then?? :)
Julie
Much like Booguy last week, I think The Tobe is channeling his inner Simon as well. This is something you should be very concerned about.
From this post, I also believe that The Tobe has a great career ahead of him as a next generation host of Jackass.
Congrats.
Also, when we took Aly to the zoo the other week with the Cannon's and the monkeys were clearly mating, Aly didn't even ask about it. But you know that West, Chris and myself were over in the corner laughing mightily.
in reference to your "Straight Cash Homey" link, I did see a guy with an Akili Smith jersey at church on Sunday. Totally made my day.
JoAnn & I are down here in NC visiting w/Mike, Jerri & Aidan...to be assured, the penis feel-good thing is for real..as wittnessed at A's bath time the other day. Throw, kick, punch, booger humor, burrrp humor....need I forget farts, all good.! Won't be long and it'll be a luggy spitting the farthest contest. From a guy who once owned that bragging right, all is well in the male world.
Dan W
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